turns out, even the chicago pizza tour is not as ambitious as us.  we actually bumped into them at coalfire, and they were gonna hit, like, four pizzerias or something.  our plan was to keep hitting pizzerias until we couldn’t even spell “pizzeria.”  that’s not true.  we couldn’t spell pizzeria even after the first place.  but that’s just because we’re all retarded.  retarded enough to eat at seven pizzaritias pizza joints in one day.

the pizza-eatin’ crew was me, pd&j, justin, allison d, and sarah.  we all had scorecards (for crust, sauce, and flavor).  we each got to be pizza czar for a location (i.e., pick the pie from the menu).  we all documented stuff in our own way; check twitter for the #PizzaDay hashtag to see all our updates, or check out some of my photos here.  the only rules, really, were that it had to be red sauce based and not too much of a specialty (so it could be comparably assessed next to the other pies).  here’s what we learned:

piece
already an all-time fave for much of the crew.  we got a pizza with fresh basil & italian sausage, which is in no way an indication of the awesome possibilities there.  they were out of a beer listed on their chalkboard, however, which is very much an indication of my usual experience there.  but!  the brew i did get (cap’n kick ass – an IPA) was awesome.  as was the piece server’s reaction when she learned of our plan for the day.  piece was thrilled to be on the list, and even made us a special pie.  the crust was golden, kinda flaky, and f*ckin’ awesome.  it wasn’t heavy on sauce, but what was there was d*mn good.  there were little bits of sausage (rather than huge chunks) packed with flavor—and yet the basil still punched through (it was really fresh).

the breakdown, rated 1-5, for fresh basil & italian sausage:

coalfire
new for many of us, and well-regarded by our fellow chicagoans, and thus fraught with excitement.  they made us a margherita.  the crust was super thin, and while it was good in combination with the other ingredients, the crust on its own just tasted coal-y.  the sauce may have had a crazy kick to it—or maybe their jars just had some real potent red pepper flakes.  pretty sure the sauce was a factor though.  the cheese was nice, and there was a lovely herb/spice flavor.  side notes: pretty good bottled beer selection, but pretty weak ambiance.

the breakdown, rated 1-5, for margherita:

spacca napoli
sorta legendary in this town, but a new experience for me.  i was czar here, but sadly, most of the red sauce options were eerily similar to each other.  so we got a second pie that was technically not under official consideration.  one was the bufalina (with basil, mozzarella di bufala, and olive oil), the other was the speciality ubo (with fior di latte mozzarella, mozzarella di bufala, and two kinds of prosciutto).  even with the wood-burning oven, the crust was amazingly soft.  i liked it.  then it got a little soggy (somehow) just sitting on the serving plate.  the sauce was solid, but not remarkable.  the cheese was stupid fresh.  the pie didn’t have a lot of kick; it was more delicate, understated—in a good way.  bonus points for having the old italian man owner come around, not only to chat, but also to serve up a free mini pie made from some extra ingredients he had laying around: a Hungarian red pepper sauce & goat cheese.  yes.

the breakdown, rated 1-5, for bufalina:

art of pizza
in retrospect, it’s hard to justify how this even made the list.  the pepperoni pizza was all-around okay.  crust wasn’t special, the sauce was run of the mill, the cheese & meat standard.  it wasn’t bad; it just couldn’t hold a candle to anything else we tried.  and the dine-in atmosphere at the art of pizza plaza left much to be desired.  i will say, however, that the by-the-slice stuffed ‘za looked so good i almost went rogue with a big fatty slice just for me.  but when my & allison’s enthusiasm for great lake convinced the crew to suffer the wait for that pie, i held myself in check.

the breakdown, rated 1-5, for pepperoni:

great lake
it opens at five, closes when they run out.  we got there at 5:01 to a line ten deep.  someone on staff let those people in & closed the door on us with not a word.  someone behind us snuck inside, also without a word, when another person in her party explained they were just doing carryout.  wtf, right?  so we immediately sent allison in, our czar here.  there were only three pie options to choose from (because that’s how they run the place).  she ordered two, we hung out at a local bar, and picked them up at 6:20, by which time they were already done accepting carry-out orders for the day.  rather than waiting to drive home, we ate it on the sidewalk right outside great lake, and it was the best “street food” i’ve ever eaten.  one pie was a butternut squash, fresh cream, mona cheese, rosemary, and bacon; the other was a tomato, homemade fresh mozz, mona cheese, and fresh herbs.  a near-perfect balance of crunchiness & doughiness in the crust, an amazing & perfectly integrated sauce (opposed to art of pizza’s, which had cheese/topping just slide right off), and some other kind of awesomeness i literally couldn’t even identify.  half hour after eating, that crazy taste was still, blissfully, lingering in my mouth.  what can i say except great lake totally lived up to it’s reputation, in every regard.

the breakdown, rated 1-5, for tomato/mozz/mona/herbs:

pizza metro
i’ve loved this place for years.  believe it or not, i think their crust used to be better, yet it’s still today one of the best on the planet.  so light & unlike any other (they call it authentic roman square, and make it with an oven specially shipped from italy); it’s like little bits of golden sun on the tongue.  i don’t what that sauce is, but it’s fantastic.  and flavor?  well, allow me to share how my sister (mis)read the notes on my scorecard: “dr. f*ck yeah.”  we only put roasted red peppers on this pie, and i can’t recommend it enough.

the breakdown, rated 1-5, for roasted red pepper:

crust
we ordered an arribbiata & sausage from this 100% organic pizza place.  the crust was great when working with the other elements (like coalfire), but left a little something to be desired on its own.  the arribbiata sauce wasn’t as spicy as we expected/hoped, but it was still d*mn tasty.  and the cheese/sausage proved to be an excellent combo.

the breakdown, rated 1-5, for arribbiata & sausage:

the over-all final point totals (out of 90 possible): great lake 83, spacca napoli 76, piece 74, pizza metro 71, crust 71, coalfire 60, art of pizza 44.  but given how damn near impossible great lake can be (even if it is the best pie ever), i imagine it’ll be a looooooong time before i go back, if ever.  in the meantime, i’m still thrilled that so many great slices can be had in the ‘hood.  i’ve always said how f*cking great piece & pizza metro were—and now we’ve got the data to back it up.

thursday, july 1
$5 pizzas @ cleo’s on chicago ave.

friday, july 2
family dinner in n-ville

saturday, july 3
v-ball at foster ave beach, 10am (contact me if you wanna come)

sunday, july 4
pd&j’s annual we ♥ america party (contact me if you wanna come)

monday, july 5
putt putt and stuffed pizza for mr. furlong’s b-day

tuesday, july 6
Bbq @ robbie and chris’ in the pm

wednesday, july 7
Brandon and jess, 2010′s most bad-ass mfa grads, in town

thursday, july 8
Hot doug’s @ 11am, & hangin with team f&f
art institute is free, 5pm-8pm

friday, july 9
sibelius 2nd symphony in millenium park, 6:30pm-8:30pm

saturday, july 10
“Open houses”:
Filter on milwaukee ave, 11am-2pm
Steppenwolf, 3pm
Happy village on wolcott&thomas, 8pm-11pm

sunday, july 11
Lunch with mike, 1pm
Suburbs, pm

monday, july 12
field museum is free, 9am-5pm
Dinner with duchess, 8pm

tuesday, july 13
Lunch with katie miller
museum of contemporary art is free, 10am-8pm (with free jazz on the terrace 5:30pm-8pm)
Out with jemerie in evening

wednesday, july 14
Lunch with PTA crew, 12:30pm
Out with m, 7:15pm

also potentially looking to visit the chicago cultural center (free)

the fact that the news broke on the same day as the terrible haitian earthquake made for a sad juxtaposition for me.  there are already pleas coming from every corner to donate to the red cross to help haitians overcome this devastation.  there might even be some celebrities making PSAs for this travesty at this very moment.  and that’s a good thing.  as it’s also good that bill clinton fights aids, bono is trying to do away with poverty, and wendy malick wants you to be kind to pets.  but when hundreds of millions of chinese don’t enjoy free speech, who is their celebrity supporter, the heavyweight in their corner?  the answer should be writers.

writers everywhere should be making free speech around the world their cause.  writers should be making all kinda of noise right now about china censoring their people.  writers should be infecting china with dangerous ideas about freedom every chance they get.  the should be exactly the kind of people delillo’s bill gray lamented (oddly enough in “mao ii“) that writers no longer were.

so who’s going to take up this cause?  i know who my number one, with a bullet, would be: salman rushdie.  pretty sure this is right in naomi wolf’s wheelhouse, too.  and it looks like toni morrison tried to start a little something, but i think there’s plenty more work to be done.

parade magazine: for publishing a front page story on benazir bhutto—more than a week after she was assassinated—without making any reference to the fact that she was dead.¹

subway: initially for an indescribably annoying radio ad campaign² set to the tune of “knick knack paddy whack,” but also because they make terrible sammiches.

doing things i wouldn’t normally do in order to meet girls³: going on the radio equivalent of the dating game doesn’t work out for anybody involved.  trust me.

ticketmaster: with one notable exception⁴, i haven’t paid one of their bullsh*t fees in ten years.

the old/new world theater tweeter center first last middle west bank amphitheater⁵: this place sucks.

northwest airlines, ata airlines⁶, spirit airlines: the bane of my passenger existence.

working for the man: the non-profit sector has it’s rewards, just not any monetary ones.  at all.

ban roll-on deodorant: yeah, because it’s funny.  but also because it s*cks.

metered parking spots in chicago⁷: ben joravsky and mick dumke have an excellent three-part piece⁸ on this.

macy’s: hey federated department stores – how’s that plan to save on marketing costs by using macy’s shopping bags instead of field’s bags working out for ya’?

frozen pizza: if you live in chicago and eat frozen pizza, then you don’t actually live in chicago—you live in the suburbs.  no excuse for this when you have uno’s/due’s/gino’s/giordano’s/lou malnati’s/bacino’s/piece/pizza metro/dag’s/ian’s/etc.

red eye: read a real newspaper⁹, would you?  democracy needs your daily quarters.

notes

1 also, because this publication is a f*cking rag.

2 circa 2002(?)

3 pretty sure my current ladyfriend would rather this particular ban stay in place for the foreseeable future

4 field day in new york^a, summer of ’03, featuring radiohead, beck^b, beth orton, spiritualized, beastie boys, liz phair, blur, and a cr#pload of others

5 in tinley park, il

6 now extinct!  i beat you, you f*ckers

7 f*ck you, mare daley.

8 so far

9 or “infinite jest.” then you’ll understand why i’m using so many d*mn endnotes all of a sudden.

a actually giants stadium in new jersey

b he was on the bill, but fell backstage and broke his #ss and was unable to play.  true story.

• chicago cops covered for an off-duty officer who drunkenly ran over a kid and killed him – the second such incident for cpd in a f*cking month.  and even then, “da mare” didn’t seem half as upset as he was with the people protesting the land grab in grant park.
• illinois legislators quietly worked to underminean improved public records law suggested by governor quinn.
• a tape surfaced with u.s. senator burris promising moneyto ousted/disgraced governor blagojevich (technically before he was ousted, but the disgraced bit may have still been applicable at the time).
• a cook county judge threw a family court lawyer in lock-up for no apparent reason.
• illinois senate democrats (i.e., those same cats that promised reform last december) watered down a campaign finance bill so that it would still be double what the feds allow – and yet continue to claim that reform is on the way.

just how corrupt does this town have to get before people actually start standing up to these clowns?  what has to happen to get some reform and accountability in our government?  does the tax rate have to jump to 11% ?  15%?  do the cops have to plow down your neighbor’s kid?  yours?  does your state senator have to actually mug you in person?  what’s it gonna take, chicago, before you – at the very least – pick up a d*mn phone and start raising some h#ll? 

any time you want to have that conversation with your alderman/mayor/county official/rep/senator/governor, i promise you – you’ll find all the ammo you could ever need right here: http://www.chicagotribune.com/corruption

update (5/29): never underestimate what chicago pols are capable of in a single week.  yesterday alderman isaac carothers (29th) got indicted for accepting a huge bribe from a developer.  for the record, this would be the 31st alderman to be convicted of corruption in the last 36 years (the sun-times has the breakdown in a sidebar).  well done, chi – you’re almost battin’ .1000.

also, let it be known that after chatting with the staff of my state senator and representative yesterday, i’m confident that newspaper reporters know more about my elected officials’ agenda than they do.

with a hat tip to photoshop.

how are you?  it’s been so long since we last spoke.  it’s also been a while since you put out a record with the old band, huh?  i guess that’s why you decided to re-release ten with all the bells and whistles – still gotta pay the mortgage, right?  oh, don’t get yourself in a huff.  i’m just messing with ya’.  i mean, i still don’t particularly *love* that record, but i respect your right to make millions off it.  again.  i did want to talk to you about the old days, though.  remember back when the whole world loved pearl jam?  i mean, it was like the one thing newt gingrich and tip o’neill could agree on: pj kicked #ss.  and in addition to all that money that came with the fastest selling record of all-time, there was an enormous amount of public support and good will.  and you decided to use that popularity not to win moonmen, but to take on a dastardly corporation that was despised as much as you were beloved.  and that made me love you all the more.  ticketmaster was (and still is) to the concert-going public what AIG today is to the american taxpayer.  which is to say, the latter tries to f*ck the former up the #ss at every chance they get.  and you and jeff and stone and mike and whoever your drummer was at the moment decided to fight back.  instead of making gajillions more dollars by playing the game that ticketmaster had foisted upon artists, venues, and pierced-nosed punks everywhere, you tried to sue their pants off.  we all knew they had essentially established a monopoly, but no one had legally proven it yet.  and you took those sons-a-b*tches all the way to the capitol.  and lost.  and that made me love you all the more.  except for the part where i was still getting #ssf*cked by ticketmaster.  i put a ban on ticketmaster, and you went home to lick your wounds and reclaim your life.  it’s been over ten years now; i’m still buying all my tickets directly from box offices and bands, and you’re still making the rock music.  and ticketmaster is bigger and badder than ever.  and they’re gonna get worse.  and this is like the one thing jim derogatis and greg kot can agree on: ticketmaster and live nation merging is about the worst possible thing that could happen to people who care about rock music but do not have rock star salaries.  and there are many of us.  but we don’t have rock star microphones, either.  you do.  the boss stood up, but nobody stood with him.  maybe because you lose your “everyman” credibility after playing at half-time.  but you’ve still got your integrity intact.  you can have a second chance at putting this perversity of the market in its place.  jay-z, and nickelback, and neil diamond, and a whole mess of others are gonna fight you on this one.  but they’re past their prime (nickelback?…), and you’ve got the people on your side.  at least, the ones who aren’t already in the luxury boxes.  we need you again, ed.  we need you to fight the good fight, one more time.  posting a message to your fans is a good start, but it’s nowhere near enough.  you know what keith moon would do.  he’d go f*ck some sh*t up.  you’re only too old for this if you think you are. so let’s get to it.

your friend,
- jason

p.s. though i’ve seen you guys play well more than a dozen times, through a series of unfortunate events, my first pearl jam show wasn’t until the summer of ’97.  which means the remixed version of “alive” from that re-release is better than any half-hearted version i’ve ever you sing live. so thanks for that.

with a hat tip to jessica hagy, who does this much better.